#392: Drowning In Tears.

I try and I feel like I'm strong. But there are times when everything comes crashing on to me and I hate it. I hate hate it. I hate you. I hate you too. I HATE BOTH OF YOU for doing this to me.

I suppose the tears have to come out after keeping them in for 5 days.

I hate it when the emo waves strike. Especially when I'm alone. In my room. In my train of thoughts.

I have Advertising assignment to do that's due tomorrow but I'm not in the mood. No sleep tonight?


There are some days when I wake up feeling good about yourself. Almost everyday, I think that I'm actually dealing with things pretty well and "hey, I might actually make it through. I'm getting stronger. I don't think I'm bothered about it anymore." But then after awhile, I come crashing down. So hard, I start to think "who am I kidding. How can I actually ignore all those. I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all." It's not fun when you think you're alright but you're actually not. What's worse is when some people see it and you, yourself don't know.



I think I've come to a point where I totally block myself from liking any other guys and also from thinking the other way. I guess its a defense mechanism. I can't even take obvious hints that are directed towards me damnit. Oh sure, I get it when its towards my friends where I keep saying "omg its so obvious la" and all those girlfriend stuff but I just don't see it when its directed towards me and I will not get it until someone pushes that fact towards me. And by the time I know about it, I've lost that person as a friend "because he's probably going through the getting-over phase" when I'm even aware of it in the first place! I haven't talked to him in weeks. I don't see him in college anymore. He doesn't really reply my text messages anymore. I hate losing a friend when I don't even know the cause of it until it happens.

To you, who is having my ring. I hope you read this.
I'm angry. I'm hurt. Its a god damn stupid reason for not talking to me this week. I have to hear your reason from someone else after days of wondering what the fuck is wrong with you. I have issues too, you know? I took you as a friend.

yunsin

All of these tears, time will dry them
I will survive them, and make it through into another day
All of this pain, time will heal it
There'll be a time sometime I know I won't feel it
[Kaci - I Will Learn to Love Again]