#290: Want To Fall Out.

I'm going nuts. I can't be left alone with nothing to do these days. Thoughts of every little disturbing thing will run through my head over and over. Sometimes, it's enough to make me cry. Sometimes I feel like dying but I can't. It's as if those thoughts are occupying me til wanna die also cannot die. Sleep also cannot sleep! I need something to keep my mind off things, mann.

Holidays are over! Frankly speaking, I'm very glad school's started. Sad to say, I started the day off badly. I couldn't wake up at 0545 like I planned to. In the end, I woke up at 0630 and rushed to the bathroom to wash my hair. And my mum told me we had to leave at 0700. Okay, nevermind, I thought since my hair have been behaving well during the holidays after I blow dry them everytime. Of all days, my heater decided not to work properly this morning. So there I was, shivering like some mad fool and I kept thinking to myself, "cold water is good for the hair. its good for the hair. no frizz. no frizz". Out the bathroom, saw a zit. Okay, chill. Checked the fridge for apples, no small sweet juicy ones. Gahh. Tied my hair on the way to school and I went mental when I saw how much baby hairs grew. Back to the days when I have to use hair clips. !!!!!!!!

All went well during school. Back to hearing Adrian's smurf-ostrich sounds. Nathisha's lame riddles and jokes and her dreams on becoming meeting Chris Brown and wedding bells of them both. Snacking in class with PuiYee! Oh shit, I forgot to ask Yi-Min to share his honey almonds with me!!!! Omg. I will miss all this after high school. Today was good, despite our mid year exam marks. Oh, and today was my first day of not attending ICT class because I dropped it. My last 2 periods were used by walking to and fro to the toilet, walking around class, trying to take a nap and talking to Pui. So boring!

Cyrens practice after school but I didn't do anything. Was with Cheryl outside the gym. We talked abit but most of the time we looked down at the school and the people and cars passing by and thinking our own thoughts. And yes, thoughts of those stuff raced through my mind like shite. PuiYee joined and we three talked. Our Sally-Sassy-Saggy bond talks. We went back to the gym. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. So I just lied down and stared at the ceiling. Thoughts of that person (I'm sure I'll remember who this person is when I read this in 10 years time so no need for the name here) and Zong-Sheng. Yes, ZS. Wtf, i know. But nothing about missing him and bla bla shit. Just going back to the past after our SSS talk. Nothing much at all. Tonight's gonna be lonesome. I'm resisting. I have to. It helps right now cause I'm blogging. When there's nothing to do tonight, what will happen? Fuck, I have issues.

My feel good note. I cry with a smile when I read this when I'm really really down. It helps.

yunsin